When i closed my eyes and I could no longer measure the distance between us I had to rely on my other senses. My mind had persistently failed in dictating a dignifying posture for my body thus i was entitled to indulge myself with an uncarefully directed frivolity.
My fingers were so dry and thirsty that they were slipping too rapidly for the reasonable me to have any time to oppose. I knew he was looking at me because i was feeling warm. Strange how his eyes of the coldest depths could tie me up like that. What was even more strange was his embrace. I could hear his heartbeat like the countdown towards a resolution unacceptable according to the appropriateness i was used to. I was then in him for a moment and we exchanged blood and tiny bits of ideas about feelings. I used my hair to surround him for a while so i could make sure he wasn't going away too soon.
I was shaking so hard that i was drawing an imaginary aura of heavenly happiness around me. It was a feeling i had buried together with my teenage years in my parent's home. A florescent and volatile ray of emotion couldn't possibly escape from under the weight of heavy history books. It had been so distant from me that i started thinking it was actually the dust I breath when i flick through the smelly pages.

" Era o femeie foarte ciudata A. . De fapt ,ea doar arata ca un adult caci inauntrul ei locuiau 2 copii, un spirit si un demon. Privea mereu in gol atunci cand era singura dar vorbea intr-una la petreceri; si slava Domnului, erau multe petreceri pe atunci. Toata lumea cunostea pe toata lumea si atunci cand se intalneau pe strada era obligatoriu sa se pupe de 3 ori pe obraji.
Cei doi copii care locuiau in A. erau foarte neastamparati. Cel mai mare ca varsta locuia in ea inca de cand se nascuse personajul nostru si era foarte greu de educat. Citea mult si recita teorii memorate cu usurinta dar atunci cand era trist, se napustea asupra oricui ii iesea in cale. Plangea des, mai ales cand se intersecta cu demonul. Stia ca fiecare intalnire insemna garantia ca nu va creste niciodata; si ii era foarte greu sa umble de atatia ani cu un corp atat de mic in niste haine care atarnau ca o povara.
Sa nu intelegeti gresit. Demonul era dragastos si mai ales usor ca o amintire; Ca in orice relatie, problema era abordarea si lipsa fermitatii. Si pana la urma, nimeni nu il putea invinui de raceala, doar era un demon- la randu-i creatia unui lucru mai mare ca el.
Cel de-al doilea copil nu avea inca o personalitate a lui. Traia in proiectia celui dintai si venea din viitor. nu era nici baiat nici fata fiindca cel mare nu se decisese inca. Il tinea in brate si ii spunea povesti. Il invata sa se uite in sus.
A. era detul de impacata cu viata ei. Era simplu sa ramana asa atata vreme cat cei 3 locuiau in mansarda. Nimeni nu avea de unde sa-si imagineze ce avea sa se intample.
Intr-una din zilele acelea cand ai impresia ca ninsoare nu se mai opreste si totul e intepenit, au inceput sa se auda zgomote ciudate de la etajele inferioare; ca si cum cineva ar fi dat cu picioarele in tot ce-i iesea in cale. Mai curioase erau inca tipetele care tradau disperarea. "O , nu" isi spuse copilul cel mare " iar si-a pirdut spiritul linistea." In inima casei locuia un spirit care de fiecare data cand reusea sa scape din laturile in care era tinut, distrugea linistea casei si aducea rusine celor 3. " V-am spus de atatea ori" cuvanta demonul, " locul animalelor e in padure, nu in casa doamnei".
Cei trei au hotarat sa se elibereze de cel care ameninta siguranta linistii lor.Nu au mai stat pe ganduri si au deschis usa care dadea in camaruta unde locuia spiritul. Acesta i-a intampinat cu un zambet crezand ca venit cu ganduri bune. Era in firea lui sa gandeasca pozitiv. Nimeni nu vroia sa recunoasaca dar el adusese cel de-al doilea copil in casa; sau poate uitasera. Isi imaginau probabil ca din adierea rasfoiutului de carti se nasc nu numai idei ci si copii.
L-au aruncat in vatra si s-a tarat singur pe horn pana cand a vazut lumina soarelui si s-a evaporat.
"S-a stins" au zis cu totii.

Today I am writing about my trip to Iceland which i consider by far to be my oddest this year.

I went to Iceland this june because it was my friend Sunna's birthday and also because i had the once in a lifetime opportunity to see Bjork for free...well, sort of as the plane ticket was quite expensive.
The first thing that stroke me when i landed was the air. i felt as if i were on the top of a mountain..some 2000 years ago when green was much cooler than grey...My friend came to pick me up from the airport and we stopped first at her workplace which is the Reikjavik Zoo. It was slightly different to what i would consider to be a proper zoo as many of the animals there would just be considered pets in Romania. I made friends though with the seals..they were sunbathing in the solitary ray of lights that i witnessed only the first day while being there. I just couldn't believe how cold i felt...
The feelings i experienced during my stay there have been very intense. I kind of reminded me of my troubled teenage years when everything i felt was intensified and interpreted using Bjork's lyrics. I was very excited about seeing her the next day and my expectations were really high. I had seen Bjork before in Paris but i knew that being in Iceland changed everything. My ideas during my wait could have very well been part of Bjork's video "Who is it?". A wide frozen landscape, husky dogs and a smiling girl who occasionally gets mistaken for a lunatic. I don't know why but for some early from childhood reason I felt atrcted to open spaces, snow and an icy blue sky. I am not nordic and my eyes are brown...my skin is not too bright either , especially during summer, yet i feel so rooted in that far away land.
The inevitable happened..I was very disappointed with the concert and I actually liked Sigur Ross better( they opened the show). Many poeple say that meeting your idol may leave yiu with a slightly bitter taste as they don't live up to your expectations. I don't believe that even if i have been disappointed twice. The first time, in France, it was just too many rude people who had forgotten the basic idea about Bjork- the warm feeling of thinking- and were acting like animals while thieves were looming around and booing towards the stage.
This second time I found myself surrounded by hundreds of french people who came to be cool in front of other french people. Of course they outnumbered the icelandic population by far. The cold was worsening my health which , i should be honest to myself, has gone from bad to worse the last 3 years...still the pain didn't make me leave and it didn't infuriate me.
My relationship with Bjork implies me, her and the need that tied the connection between us.The people in concerts are destroying the balance between the fragile elements of my system. I don't listen to Bjork because i like it but because i need it and it has grown in me as part of me. It helps me enjoy my well hidden quirkiness and legitimizes my thinking.


Another thing that drew my attention in Iceland was the distance; the distance between the house the shops, between the house and all other houses and the distance between friends. Everywhere we went we had to drive..and most of the times we were the only car on the street..(.which is more of a highway in the middle of the town). This made me think about the relationships between people in Iceland. There is obviously love there..as the population still exists. However, i didn't see people laughing on the street nor holding hands. My friend is a joyful person although she doesn't speak much; unlike me. I felt overwhelmed by the silence. I felt incapable of staying silent. I met her family and they were very nice to me. We had dinner and we chat. They asked me about Romania. As usual, i tried to say good things about my country and paid great attention to any word I said fearing that any mistake may lead to them thinking bad about my home land.
Funny thing this politics. While talking i realized i was among people to whom history and politics wasn;t really important when trying to understand me. Why is it that we, the ones coming from smaller countries, countries that have struggled with ideology and not with nature, have developed this need of always explaining ourselves. Why are we obsessed with the way we look and the way we are seen. I guess this icelandic silence made me hear more things that i would have dreamed of.

I learned many other things while being in Iceland. I learned that people had a harmonius way of living and respecting laws before Christianity conquered them. This wasn't good for my thoughts as i obsesively defend my religion all the time. Most people in Iceland would rather believe in nature than in God. I guess it is a bit more pragmatic. You do need to take care of nature so that it takes care of you whre as for the other lot....i still need some answers for myself.

One day I went wimming at the public pool. It was just me and 20 old icelanders who were doing their morning workout. they were dancing in a circle and singing their national anthem. Strangely, no one made fun of them and they were actually enjoying themselves. Some nations never forget how to live untill they die. I wish I could say the same about the people in my country.

I went to see a glacier one day and it was breathtaking. I believe that this is Iceland's greatest power, to shock you and to remind you that your most precious gift is to be able to fascinated by what you see . However, from my own experience, I believe it is better when you experience on your own. At this point, i am not able to share. I am only learning how to enjoy..I am a bit frozen after coming back from Iceland.

Politically correct

Cel mai greu lucru pe care esti nevoit sa il faci in Marea Britanie este sa fii ,, politically correct". Adica atunci cand esti in autobuz, trecand printr-un cartier care nu mai pare de mult parte din Europa iar in aglomeratie, niste copii pakistanezi te calca in repetate randuri pe picioare si pe nervi, trebuie sa privesti sec pe geam si sa te bucuri cu sinceritate de fetele "multiculturalismului". Asa se numeste si o materie pe care o am in primul semestru din anul 2. In fiecare saptamana, profesoara ne explica minunile globalizarii si oportunitatile infinite de explorare a "celuilat".

Mi se pare foarte greu sa nu fiu rasista. Sunt si nu sunt. Pe de o parte este in firea mea sa ma imprietenesc cu oricine si sa accept umanitatea in toate culorile ei iar pe de alta parte sunt o europocentrista convinsa.
Una dintre ideile propovaduite la curs si in Mare Britanie, in general, este ca o data ce anumite comunitati au migrat si s-au dezvoltat intre granitele unui stat vestic, este normal ca acestea sa primeasca aceleasi drepturi ca si populatia majoritara. Ce este insa cetatenia? Mai este loc de suprapunere a cetateniei cu nationalitatea?
In momentul in care treci Canalul si ajungi pe pamantul englez, iti dai seama ca oamenii de aici traiesc in alta paradigma. Este ca si cum s-ar afla in viitorul Europei dar nu neaparat inaintea ei. Aici, lupta este de integrare si de mentinere in lucru a fiecarei rotite dintr-un mare sistem.
Incerc sa imi imaginez reactia bunicii mele in momentul in care s-ar anunta ca minoritatea "rroma" va avea emisiuni proprii pe toate televiziunile...
In mod evident, in Romania se discuta in aceiasi termeni ca in sec al 18-lea - un stat, o natiune-. Dar este oare bine asa? Mai e loc de diferentiere in post-modernitate? Un sistem, atunci cand este creat, depinde de niste parametrii. In Anglia, acestia s-au schimbat foarte repede datorita (sau poate din cauza) evenimentelor istorice si au determinat sistemul sa se autoevalueze si sa caute conditii noi de functionare. Romania traieste in trecutul romantic european, ale carui baluri si poeme visatoare nu se mai potrivesc cu lumea portilor deschise...mai ales spre vest.
Cred ca cel mai mult vom lupta cu mandria. Mandria de a avea un steag, de a simti o lacrima cand auzi un colind de Craciun sau de a vedea mai multe biserici decat maluri in oras. Intrebarea este cum pastrezi simbolurile proprii tie si cum le integrezi pe ale lor astfel incat sa eviti conflictele?
Cand o sa mai cresc, am sa revin asupra acestei intrebari si in functie de unde sunt in acel moment, am sa dau un raspuns pentru cei care citesc aici. Pentru mine il mai patrez inca.